They call it heartache, but it's all lies. I hurt all over.
Pathetic, is it not?
what's more pathetic , is thinking, "i shouldn't have done that."
What a way to begin this.

I could maybe be your bed, to feel your body ,late at night, breathing in an out,against mine.
Or perhaps your taste in music.i know you don't cry, except for when music brings tears to your eyes. How i wish i had that effect on you.

I try to hold on to the little things, like the way you kiss me on the corner or the eye, or on my forehead.
The way you tangle your legs with mine at night, it felt so right.Like you and i were an item.
How you held my hand under the covers so no one would ever know but us.
I try to hold on to the little things.
when you suddenly open your eyes at night to look at me and realise i'm already staring, and you smile.

That smile, that i haven't seen you use on anyone else. You almost look like you could love me.
How could i ever possibly consider not smiling back?

i try to hold on to the little things , because i know that's all i'll ever get from you.
Your heart is my favourite stranger.




















Closer to you is home.

 

Don't you know you're life itself?

 You said you felt LOVE for me.
LOVE.
that's not something you randomly blurt out. What about holding my hand under the table, kissing me when your dad's back is turned?
pulling me in the men's fitting rooms, kissing me on the forehead.
taking me everywhere with you.
holding my hand at concerts, so you wouldn't lose me out of sight.
playing Bon Iver while we made Love. YOU called it MAKING LOVE.that's what you called it.
And that's when  my whole world came crashing down.
You crushed it. My world , my heart, my hope.
i should have Never told you, ever.How stupid could I have been, thinking you would have done anything about it?
as reluctant as i am to admit it, i was foolishly waiting for your feelings to be reciprocal.I'd already imagined us at concerts together still, in a few years.
I'd pictured us, at the beach. spending every little second with you, every moment, my entire life.
you , my dear, are my Ideal man.
You make me feel pretty, don't you see? The way you look at me, the way you don't want Anyone else to touch me.
Remember when you called?
You asked me not to do anything with that other boy. I asked you why, You told me "BECAUSE YOURE MINE, YOU ARE NOT HIS."
WHAT the FUCKING fuck does that mean. Does someone who has no feelings for a person say that?
if so then that is complete and utter bullshit.
i need you.
i love you.
Don't leave me hanging like this.It's called heartache but i hurt all over.It's pulling at my gut, freezing my heart.
it's tearing out my brain, more like.
It's like a thousand needles perforating my abdomen.
I lied also, when i said i didn't hurt. I also lied when i said i'd get over you soon.
I think it's going to take forever, finding someone like you. someone as crazy, as fun, as amazing and caring.
you are irreplacable, and if there really is a God, i beg for him to either end my days now, or find a way to let me be with you.
You're too amazing to not hold a major part in my life.
but im still hopeful,. that one day, maybe you'll realise.
This is the first time i feel love for someone and it's not reciprocal.I guess i had to experience it someday.
but fucking hell it hurts more than anything.